Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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