please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
