make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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