my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
