Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
