don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Watching her eat just hurts me
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
