is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
