Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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