I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
