Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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