This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
