Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
