I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Randomize
