kristin has been a bad kristin
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
