just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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