Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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