Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
