The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
