my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
