based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
