one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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