Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
