seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
