Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
