I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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