You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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