All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
