At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
