What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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