he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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