i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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