if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
