xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
