I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
