Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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