Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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