Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
