it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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