I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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