I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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