Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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