He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
