I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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