If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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