last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
