i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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