Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize