I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
