Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
