brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
