That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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