Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
