So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
