My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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