We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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