He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
