Did you just see the Batmobile???
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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