Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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