the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
