i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
