Someone shit on the floor
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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