In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
