it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you inspire me to be a worse person
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
