i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
