I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
