Please, let me fuck your mom
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
