i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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