He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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