im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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